I just looked at the date on my last post. January 30th. My, my, my. February was filled with many things: a move into my own apartment; a weekend of dancing; a weekend in La Crosse; expanding work responsibilities as I grow into my new job; more...
And I can feel it. I'm not feeling as integrated or connected (both to earth and spirit) as I have been. I have noticed that this past week or two I have been spending more time at work. The work has grown in size. As I have come to know it, piece by piece, everyday something new, the enormity of it has slowly dawned. Still, I am excited at the prospect. And still, I must be careful that it does not crowd out the other growing that I need and want and feel led to do: establish new patterns of doing other than work alone.
What I am most aware of, though, is how I have become a little more distant from living in the fullness of the "middle," of what I might call the "center of the dichotomy continuum." It's that place where opposites live side by side in the fullness of what is. Energizing. Draining. Simultaneous.
I have created enough pathways that I am no longer struggling to find my way in getting what I need: food, water, sleep. I have enough few routines established that I no longer have to think about each and every step. Enough has been laid down in my neuronal networks that survival activities no longer require intimate focus. And therein lies the dilemma.
One of the offerings of an "intimate focus" is "presence." There really are no other choices except right here, right now. It's sort of like rock climbing. Or being in the presence of death. All of the static goes away except what's right in front of you as you find the supportive nitches and crannies, your body and mind synchronously and smoothly waltzing in place simultaneously with forward and upward movement. Energizing. Draining. Simultaneous.
Now, the waltz is not so smooth - nor synchronous. There has been more challenge for my brain, and less challenge for my body - and I'm not sure how to help those two find the beat. I am falling into more work habits and less play habits - which is understandable given my hectic February schedule - yet perhaps not really what I want nor what I think I was led here to do. I wrote the last time of my head and heart moving together. I forgot to include this wonderful container that houses them both - and now, as I notice its weariness and co-existing fog in my thinking - I realize that I may be unconsciously falling into some "habits of the now" that may not be so supportive in the long run. Hmmm...
Funny: I am watching myself get caught up in wanting decisions to be made. Should I paint the apartment? Should I purchase new furniture? I need to get signed up for the retirement plan. My daughter and her dear friend are coming to visit - I need another twin mattress and sheets, I need another bowl and set of eating utensils, the towels that I shipped last week (and seem to have stopped in New Jersey last Wednesday - will they ever leave?) need to arrive, it would be good to find a place for some of the things that are still lying around in my hallway and empty apartment rooms....and it goes on.
And I watch my mind fill up with these things, and am puzzled, because I have been fine without them - without the "things" and without thinking about them. I have been living without the trappings and accouterments of what most folks have for everyday living, and I have been fine. In fact, it has been like an extended camping trip in some ways. Why am I thinking I need them now?...why here?...why now? Well, in the words of my Gramma Lena, maybe I'm not supposed to know. Better, at least for me, to simply notice, accept, and listen for the next leading.
And having said that, I arrive at what, perhaps, is the root: I have spent less time listening - in listening and discernment for the "next steps pathway."
I'm smiling. Again I find myself in that sacred, precious, filled-with-grace place in the middle: where opposites meet and communicate through the conflict of their differing natures, while at the same time existing enmeshed - all part of the same big "One."
No pictures in the post today. I am torn between wanting to write for the product - to have a nicely "posted post" that has a sense of "ending," and I also want to get to Meeting this morning - still unsure of which one I want to attend.
Best thing: move forward. Walk, bathe, eat...then follow the lead.
I just saw what I wrote. I guess I'm going for a walk. Blessings on your day...blessings on mine.
March 6, 2016
January 30, 2016
January 30, 2016: No Independent Travelling for my Head and Heart...
I was lying in bed this morning, thinking about my time here at Chez Daisy. Now, I am at my computer, still "full" both physically and spiritually from the dinner I had last night. Daisy invited me to have dinner with her and her husband Karl's family who had come for an evening visit. There were 7: a sister, a cousin, and their spouses, Daisy and Karl, and me. Daisy had been cooking since Wednesday, with the results being a delicious shrimp and vegetable dish, some sort of stuffed meat, and some tomatoes that were stuffed with meatballs and other goodies. She knocked on my door and said, "Would you like to come to dinner? You can eat Philippine and see how it tastes." It was wonderful.
This morning, I woke up longing for my mom. Everywhere
Now, after this has happened several times, I realize that my brain is looking for those familiar faces that it hasn't seen in awhile. And it just isn't La Crosse - I'm seeing folks from Urbana, from Kincaid, from Albuquerque. Some part of myself is beginning to look for those familiar faces, those who have been a part of my life. I feel an ache when I hang up the phone from a conversation with my son. My daughter and I both are crying over the phone. I nearly burst into tears when my new smart phone reminds me that it is time for Women's Salmanori Korean Drum Ensemble. And recognition hits: my brain is longing for something familiar - for something that it hasn't seen in awhile. If it can't find the familiarity, it will create it. Then, when I can pause long enough to become an observer rather than a participant in the new scenes and challenges I am discovering and facing, I realize that my heart wants to be held by something or someone familiar. My heart needs a respite.
This timing, I am sure, is not without reason. Today, I leave for my new apartment. I spent last evening packing up my "one car load" of "stuff." It is not packed as efficiently as it was for my trip from Wisconsin, but it is packed none-the-less. My new apartment awaits me in Tarrytown. It is so close to what I imagined my living quarters to be that it is scary. However, those familiar, everyday things that have anchored me to this new life's shore are being left behind as I set sail and move on out to another.
"Simple Acts are Sacred Deeds."
The meaning of those words are discovered again and again as I leave and begin again; leave and begin again; leave and begin again.
Here's my discovery today, from this simple, sacred act of
January 22, 2016
January 22, 2016: Car Mechanic Out of Nowhere
First things first. As I wrote the date above, I realized that is is the day after what would have been my mom and dad's wedding anniversary, had she lived. They were wed in
1955, with me living in my mother a mere three months at the time. The thought of me being present at their wedding - no matter how small I was - brings a smile to my face. They would have been married 60 years. Not quite Bogart and McCall - but still pretty cool in their own way.
Next: a car mechanic has appeared. My broker (yes, I now think of him as "my" broker (rather than "the" broker), who was the go-between for my rental apartment), has lived in Tarrytown for 20 years. When I reached the end of
Wednesday, and realized I had forgotten to find a mechanic to look at my "check engine" light which had blinked on as I drove to work that morning, I emailed my broker. Yes, he did know someone he trusted to work on his car. He asked me what time I could go in, how long I could leave it, etc. I'm thinking, "Why doesn't he just give me the name of the place?" No matter - I answered him, and he talked to his mechanic, and then talked to me, and I was told to bring the car in at 11 that day. George (the mechanic) would work me in. It was important to talk to George and tell him that Ricardo sent me. Okies - that's what I did.
I understood once I got there. There was a deli on one side (not George), and a gas station. The pumps are not in this picture which pretty much hide the two bay doors where cars are doctored. There was a very small door on the other end of the building - which was George. It looked like a 2-person gig: a
young man in the front end, and George hidden somewhere in the back. The young man took care of the pump and register/cash (yes, there is actually service at some of the pumps - I haven't yet figured out when to self-serve and when to not) - and George worked on the cars in a little two bay area. I did not see a schedule anywhere. The room was very small. The young man asked me how he could help, and I explained about Ricardo, and the arrangment I'd been told. He took my keys and brought the car around. When George came to meet me, I told him Ricardo sent me - and he smiled and said, "Oh yeah - I talked with him this morning." When I told him that the "check engine" light had come on - and I was afraid that things might be unsafe, he explained that he would have to hook it up to the computer to take a look.
His helper took my car in, then George hooked it up to the computer, and was back out in a few minutes. "There is something wrong in the engine...something with how air is being taken in, perhaps a leak...a hose... somewhere." He spoke English, but it seemed like it was his second language. "Like the carburetor?" I asked. "Oh no," he smiled. "The carburetor? No more. It is past...nor more
since maybe the '80's? Before?" "Oh no," I said sheepishly. "I am showing my age and my ignorance. But something with how the gas and air is mixing, yes." "Yes...maybe a leaky hose...may something loose...it can't be fixed today - I am very busy." "Is it dangerous?" I asked.
"No - no danger. But it needs to be fixed." "Can I make an appointment in a few days to have the work done?" His eyes traveled skyward, as if he were looking at the schedule in his brain. He said, "Well...Monday?...Maybe Tuesday? No, I think Monday...Yes, Monday. Bring it in Monday morning and leave it with me. Tell him (pointing to his helper, who was outside)."
I told his helper what George had told me and asked how much I owed. He said, "Whatever he says." He was nodding toward George who was going back to the garage to pull my car out. I asked George what I owed him, and he said, "Well...we'll add it in next Monday...well, $30 - but we'll add it Monday."
I better understood why my broker had to "broker" my appointment. George doesn't keep a written schedule - at
least that's my thinking. I think his helper does some of the details that George can't. I'm not sure how the "pick-up" will go on Monday once George is done - or even if George will have to keep the car until Tuesday. This much I do know: Monday morning, bright and early, I will be in Sleepy Hollow at a gas station that has a small deli on one side (not George), and an inconspicuous garage on the other (George). There are no signs advertising - just a place which may be where the "Pete Conway" of Sleepy Hollow* works his magic.
*(For readers living in La Crosse, this description will need no explanation. For others, know that Pete Conway was a master mechanic who could fix any car due to his almost god-like ability to trouble-shoot. He and one of his colleagues would ask questions about car sounds and behaviors that one would never thing to listen for or notice - and he was dogged about fixing whatever it was. In addition, he never gouged you. If it didn't need fixing, if it was something you could live with and still be safe driving - Pete would tell you to leave it alone.)
Next: a car mechanic has appeared. My broker (yes, I now think of him as "my" broker (rather than "the" broker), who was the go-between for my rental apartment), has lived in Tarrytown for 20 years. When I reached the end of
I understood once I got there. There was a deli on one side (not George), and a gas station. The pumps are not in this picture which pretty much hide the two bay doors where cars are doctored. There was a very small door on the other end of the building - which was George. It looked like a 2-person gig: a
His helper took my car in, then George hooked it up to the computer, and was back out in a few minutes. "There is something wrong in the engine...something with how air is being taken in, perhaps a leak...a hose... somewhere." He spoke English, but it seemed like it was his second language. "Like the carburetor?" I asked. "Oh no," he smiled. "The carburetor? No more. It is past...nor more
"No - no danger. But it needs to be fixed." "Can I make an appointment in a few days to have the work done?" His eyes traveled skyward, as if he were looking at the schedule in his brain. He said, "Well...Monday?...Maybe Tuesday? No, I think Monday...Yes, Monday. Bring it in Monday morning and leave it with me. Tell him (pointing to his helper, who was outside)."
I told his helper what George had told me and asked how much I owed. He said, "Whatever he says." He was nodding toward George who was going back to the garage to pull my car out. I asked George what I owed him, and he said, "Well...we'll add it in next Monday...well, $30 - but we'll add it Monday."
I better understood why my broker had to "broker" my appointment. George doesn't keep a written schedule - at
QUACK-QUACK!!!
*(For readers living in La Crosse, this description will need no explanation. For others, know that Pete Conway was a master mechanic who could fix any car due to his almost god-like ability to trouble-shoot. He and one of his colleagues would ask questions about car sounds and behaviors that one would never thing to listen for or notice - and he was dogged about fixing whatever it was. In addition, he never gouged you. If it didn't need fixing, if it was something you could live with and still be safe driving - Pete would tell you to leave it alone.)
January 18, 2016
January 18, 2016: Continued Thoughts of Knowing Self - a Copy/Paste from Fb
That Warren Bennis quote was too good to not share. I posted on Fb, and a friend posted the following in reply:
Here was my reply to here:
I am giggling...I think I may have to print out Dorothy and keep her close by. You said above "being true to what you are without the nod to outer pressures and misinterpretations." I left my own business that I had co-founded, co-owned and co-operated to become a teacher in a state institution. I knew there were lessons to be learned - one of which was this: "Compliance without Conformity." Where this quote came from is altogether another story, but I have kept these words close.
Here was my reply to here:
I am giggling...I think I may have to print out Dorothy and keep her close by. You said above "being true to what you are without the nod to outer pressures and misinterpretations." I left my own business that I had co-founded, co-owned and co-operated to become a teacher in a state institution. I knew there were lessons to be learned - one of which was this: "Compliance without Conformity." Where this quote came from is altogether another story, but I have kept these words close.
Now, I am feeling naked - I've shed the old coat. I am reminded of one of my best skinny dips in Canada.
I stood in my birthday suit, sang my thanks to the glacial lake I stood before and the world around it, and then dove in. It was the best baptism ever. I filled my water bottle from that lake before I left, and never let the water completely run out until I lost the water bottle. I drank the essence of that lake and swim for many, many months.
My present dive has been completed. I am swimming in another lake now, with the same gratitude and the same feeling of nakedness - I am being baptized and welcomed.
Lordy - the fullness is overwhelming in the most bittersweet, wonderful way. If I were anymore grateful, I would explode and you would have to wipe pieces of me off your lawn ornaments - or perhaps just let me be...and I am smiling at the thought of that.
Quack-Quack!
January 18, 2016: Know Thyself
"On Becoming a Leader" by Warren Bennis was one of the books I read in my doctoral studies. It's subtitle is "The Leadership Classic." I found it this morning, opened it up, and found this underlined phrase:
"Know thyself, then, means separating who you are and who you want to be from what the world thinks you are and wants you to be."
This - this - is what feels different to me. I know that I will continue to process what spurred me toward this move, and that there may a jillion things that I will name that contributed. Today, this rings true.
My supervisor viewed me a certain way, and it did not match with who I knew myself to be and what I knew myself capable of.
And perhaps, this is why I feel a sense of "freedom." I am somewhere where no one has a "notion" of who I am. I can live in who I am and who I want to be, without constraints of what the world thinks I am and wants me to be. I can live, listening for the next hint of what and where I am to grow into, and move as a whole person.
Given this, I can now understand why my journey is here - why I was called here. There is a space to move towards - beyond the views of others that held me stagnant in my workplace.
No more words. No Pics. It will be good to sit with this one awhile.
"Know thyself, then, means separating who you are and who you want to be from what the world thinks you are and wants you to be."
This - this - is what feels different to me. I know that I will continue to process what spurred me toward this move, and that there may a jillion things that I will name that contributed. Today, this rings true.
My supervisor viewed me a certain way, and it did not match with who I knew myself to be and what I knew myself capable of.
And perhaps, this is why I feel a sense of "freedom." I am somewhere where no one has a "notion" of who I am. I can live in who I am and who I want to be, without constraints of what the world thinks I am and wants me to be. I can live, listening for the next hint of what and where I am to grow into, and move as a whole person.
Given this, I can now understand why my journey is here - why I was called here. There is a space to move towards - beyond the views of others that held me stagnant in my workplace.
No more words. No Pics. It will be good to sit with this one awhile.
January 15, 2016
January 15, 2016: More on the Apartment Miracle
I came home this evening, set on doing laundry. I went down to the guest kitchen in the basement - which is where the washer and dryer is located. I was glad to see my landlady, Daisy, as I had missed her this morning. I wanted to let her know that I had found another apartment, and that if she needed her driver to come earlier in February, I could move out early. She was speaking with another tenant - Sonny - and it sounded as if Sonny was anxiously looking for another place to stay.
It turns out that Daisy's driver from Denmark (a story for another time) was indeed going to come on February 8th. He needed a room to stay in, given that part of his pay for his position will be in free rent. I had paid through February. All of the other tenants were paid through the rest of the spring semester. Only Sonny was month to month - and so Daisy was trying to help her find another place to stay. This seemed like a perfect time to let her know.
And so I did.
Daisy was so sad to see me go - but was so happy that I had found a place so soon. She was also happy that Sonny now could stay. Sonny was REALLY happy - as she did not have the time to be looking for another place. This little "nudge" for me to look for an apartment had more than one outcome - it affected other people, too. Sonny bought vanilla Breyers Ice Cream, I broke out my Cointreau (left over from my new year's celebration with my women friends), Daisy pulled out some liqueur glasses that she had bought at a Belgian flea market, and the three of us celebrated.
I will visit Daisy in the future...I really enjoy her company, and I have loved touching base with her in the mornings and/or evenings. I will miss that when I am alone in my own apartment. And, after all, she is my first new friend on this new adventure.
So - little self-centered me. Here I was thinking that the magic of finding this apartment was all about me. How wrong I was. There was a whole series of events from which others besides myself benefited.
I have this picture in my head of those energies and spirits that have aided me, and in turn aided Sonny and Daisy, too. Do you think that, as they view us, they say things like, "Do you think she will hear this time?" "Do you think she will act?" "Do you think that they will celebrate how all of this has worked out - or will they just chalk it up to chance?"
This Lucky Duck noticed. And she's grateful and amazed at how life brings unexpected gifts - and even more amazed when almost strangers can celebrate their good fortune with Cointreau and ice cream, being grateful for the good fortune that has come their way...celebrating their joy as they brush up against each other's humanness.
In the words of Owen Wilson: WOW!
It turns out that Daisy's driver from Denmark (a story for another time) was indeed going to come on February 8th. He needed a room to stay in, given that part of his pay for his position will be in free rent. I had paid through February. All of the other tenants were paid through the rest of the spring semester. Only Sonny was month to month - and so Daisy was trying to help her find another place to stay. This seemed like a perfect time to let her know.
And so I did.
Daisy was so sad to see me go - but was so happy that I had found a place so soon. She was also happy that Sonny now could stay. Sonny was REALLY happy - as she did not have the time to be looking for another place. This little "nudge" for me to look for an apartment had more than one outcome - it affected other people, too. Sonny bought vanilla Breyers Ice Cream, I broke out my Cointreau (left over from my new year's celebration with my women friends), Daisy pulled out some liqueur glasses that she had bought at a Belgian flea market, and the three of us celebrated.
I will visit Daisy in the future...I really enjoy her company, and I have loved touching base with her in the mornings and/or evenings. I will miss that when I am alone in my own apartment. And, after all, she is my first new friend on this new adventure.
So - little self-centered me. Here I was thinking that the magic of finding this apartment was all about me. How wrong I was. There was a whole series of events from which others besides myself benefited.
I have this picture in my head of those energies and spirits that have aided me, and in turn aided Sonny and Daisy, too. Do you think that, as they view us, they say things like, "Do you think she will hear this time?" "Do you think she will act?" "Do you think that they will celebrate how all of this has worked out - or will they just chalk it up to chance?"
This Lucky Duck noticed. And she's grateful and amazed at how life brings unexpected gifts - and even more amazed when almost strangers can celebrate their good fortune with Cointreau and ice cream, being grateful for the good fortune that has come their way...celebrating their joy as they brush up against each other's humanness.
In the words of Owen Wilson: WOW!
January 14, 2016
January 14, 2016: The Spiritual Part (More Pics Later)
Yesterday, I realized that I had been posting "what I was doing on my summer vacation" sort of posts. I know that I was led here - that what got me here was bigger than me, and I was thinking that I needed to get more in touch with that leading - with Spirit - with the path that has been given to me.
Well...damned if today hasn't been one of "those" days. My guess is that little things have been happening, and I have been too tired to notice - but today, I noticed.
For the last few days, I have been being pulled to begin looking for a more permanent place to live. I really have 6 more weeks before my rent is done here - but then this thought came: you might just have to "eat" the rent you've paid for your room for February. I continued to flow with this thought - I waited to see where the path led.
This morning, I woke up at 5:50, and I was led to my computer to continue the search for places that I had started yesterday. I found a little 2-bedroom in Tarrytown - first floor in an old Victorian house, $1700. Now - while that is a shitload of money in the Midwest, I need to "frame" this for you. The cheapest 2 bedroom that I had been able to locate was $2000, and it was a ways from work and other amenities. The most expensive was $2700 (yes, per month), and it was a HUGE two bedroom in a complex that - granted - had a balcony view of the Hudson River, but also was quite a hike from work and from any "hub" of happening things. A one bedroom studio generally goes for $1500. So - there is the "frame." I didn't realize the spiritual part until I was signing the lease with the broker (yes, there are agents for finding rentals, as well), and here's what we said to each other:
Me: Even when I was in the Midwest, I was drawn to Tarrytown. Then, my cousin's husband suggested I try Tarrytown. This was followed by a friend saying that I would get to see wonderful towns like "Tarrytown" and "Sleepy Hollow...."
Ricardo the Broker: You know, you are living right on the border between Tarrytown and Sleepy Hollow - right on the border!
Me: Lastly, one of the students at my meet and greet suggested I look at Tarrytown. This morning, when I woke up - I just felt drawn to look at listings. It was funny - I still have a month and a half on my room, but I was drawn to look.
Ricardo the Broker: Ah! You were meant to have this apartment. This morning when you texted me, I already had two applications for this place. I was wondering, "How are they going to choose?" Then, both of them fell through, and I called you. If you believe in God, then you know this was supposed to happen. Somebody was watching out for you.
Me: Yes - I do believe in God. And I think for us, it's a matter of listening and then following what we hear. Sometimes it's easier when I can listen and follow what I'm hearing.
Ricardo the Broker: Yeah - and sometimes we don't listen - and things are not so easy! (he laughs.)
Me: Yeah - and that's when I get hit upside my head a little harder, when I don't hear it the first time.
We both laughed...
As he was telling me that the other two deals had fallen through, I remembered something Nancy Melin - my massage therapist/energy worker had said to me during a session before I left: "There are already angels out there, preparing the way for you." I think today was a perfect example of that. I'm telling you: I believe that there were some forces as work today - and I am so grateful to them and for my ability to listen and follow.
OMG! I just looked up the address on Google and a picture of the house was there. I figured out how to take a screen shot (shift, command, -, 3) - so here are two. One's a little closer than the other.
Anyway - the apartment: It sits on a high hill (EVERYTHING is hilly here. This one is steeper than it looks and may prove to be a challenge if we get icy weather) right on the main street - called Broadway. If I were to take that street south, it would take me right into Manhattan to - you guessed it - whatever play I want to see. It is the same street as THE Broadway in the City. The house doesn't look snazzy on the outside - it is an old Victorian - but the inside is clean, up-to-date, and quaint. It has a "one-butt" kitchen, and a very small breakfast nook. It is much smaller than my kitchen/dining area in La Crosse; however, the two bedrooms and the living room are about the same size as my La Crosse house. The bathroom has an older tub - it is not claw foot, but it does have a nice soaking angle on it, and I believe it is cast iron...think "Gramma Dougherty's" bathroom tub. The bathroom is otherwise unremarkable. Ricardo the Broker pointed out that there was a nice spot for a glass of wine while soaking - and he was correct. There is a stackable washer/dryer unit in a small closet. The ceilings are high, and each closet (3 big ones, I think) has storage on top of it - great big cabinets that the present occupants had filled with camping gear and all sorts of other stuff.
I haven't gotten to the part about what furniture will fit and what won't...what bookshelves to bring...how will I live until I can get more of my stuff out here...none of that seems important right now. It will work. The planning will take care of itself - I am sure of it. Maya may be very happy to know that I don't need the washer or the dryer. :-)
Ricardo the Broker tells me that my location is perfect, and I believe him. It is a 10 minute walk to my acupuncturist in Sleepy Hollow, and a 10 minute walk to the restaurants in Tarrytown, e.g., The Sweet Grass Cafe that I talked about in an earlier post. There is also a Music Hall across the street from the cafe where they bring in musicians, a few of whom will be Luden Wainwright III, Iris Dement, and - believe it or not - Dave Mason, among others. A grocery store is about a block down the street, and the town library is across the street. I can walk down to the waterfront and see the Tappan Zee bridge. Today, I could stand on the hill that my house sits on, and see glimpses of the Hudson. In the summer and on holidays, the parades come right down Broadway, and people come to sit on the hill in front of our house to watch. That means I have a ring-side seat for any of the town's hoopla. And here's a kicker: about a block out my backyard is the Croton Aquaduct Trail. This is a trail that goes from God knows where in the north all the way to the City in the south. In fact, a portion of it goes right through Mercy campus. The woods are right there in my backyard. Ricardo the Broker says that there is a Refuge a little further east that I will need a trail map for - otherwise I will get lost. Oh - and did I say that it was only 4.6 miles to work - which might take me 15 minutes or so in heavier traffic? If I get myself in shape, I might even be able to ride my bike right down the trail.
Long story short: I was led to this job. I have now been led to a residence that seems - at least from this early perspective - to support who I am. I am amazingly able to let go of losing a month's rent where I am now living - which I also love, I might say. I feel taken care of.
This Luck Duck is quacking quite contentedly.
Well...damned if today hasn't been one of "those" days. My guess is that little things have been happening, and I have been too tired to notice - but today, I noticed.
For the last few days, I have been being pulled to begin looking for a more permanent place to live. I really have 6 more weeks before my rent is done here - but then this thought came: you might just have to "eat" the rent you've paid for your room for February. I continued to flow with this thought - I waited to see where the path led.
This morning, I woke up at 5:50, and I was led to my computer to continue the search for places that I had started yesterday. I found a little 2-bedroom in Tarrytown - first floor in an old Victorian house, $1700. Now - while that is a shitload of money in the Midwest, I need to "frame" this for you. The cheapest 2 bedroom that I had been able to locate was $2000, and it was a ways from work and other amenities. The most expensive was $2700 (yes, per month), and it was a HUGE two bedroom in a complex that - granted - had a balcony view of the Hudson River, but also was quite a hike from work and from any "hub" of happening things. A one bedroom studio generally goes for $1500. So - there is the "frame." I didn't realize the spiritual part until I was signing the lease with the broker (yes, there are agents for finding rentals, as well), and here's what we said to each other:
Me: Even when I was in the Midwest, I was drawn to Tarrytown. Then, my cousin's husband suggested I try Tarrytown. This was followed by a friend saying that I would get to see wonderful towns like "Tarrytown" and "Sleepy Hollow...."
Ricardo the Broker: You know, you are living right on the border between Tarrytown and Sleepy Hollow - right on the border!
Me: Lastly, one of the students at my meet and greet suggested I look at Tarrytown. This morning, when I woke up - I just felt drawn to look at listings. It was funny - I still have a month and a half on my room, but I was drawn to look.
Ricardo the Broker: Ah! You were meant to have this apartment. This morning when you texted me, I already had two applications for this place. I was wondering, "How are they going to choose?" Then, both of them fell through, and I called you. If you believe in God, then you know this was supposed to happen. Somebody was watching out for you.
Me: Yes - I do believe in God. And I think for us, it's a matter of listening and then following what we hear. Sometimes it's easier when I can listen and follow what I'm hearing.
Ricardo the Broker: Yeah - and sometimes we don't listen - and things are not so easy! (he laughs.)
Me: Yeah - and that's when I get hit upside my head a little harder, when I don't hear it the first time.
We both laughed...
As he was telling me that the other two deals had fallen through, I remembered something Nancy Melin - my massage therapist/energy worker had said to me during a session before I left: "There are already angels out there, preparing the way for you." I think today was a perfect example of that. I'm telling you: I believe that there were some forces as work today - and I am so grateful to them and for my ability to listen and follow.
OMG! I just looked up the address on Google and a picture of the house was there. I figured out how to take a screen shot (shift, command, -, 3) - so here are two. One's a little closer than the other.
Anyway - the apartment: It sits on a high hill (EVERYTHING is hilly here. This one is steeper than it looks and may prove to be a challenge if we get icy weather) right on the main street - called Broadway. If I were to take that street south, it would take me right into Manhattan to - you guessed it - whatever play I want to see. It is the same street as THE Broadway in the City. The house doesn't look snazzy on the outside - it is an old Victorian - but the inside is clean, up-to-date, and quaint. It has a "one-butt" kitchen, and a very small breakfast nook. It is much smaller than my kitchen/dining area in La Crosse; however, the two bedrooms and the living room are about the same size as my La Crosse house. The bathroom has an older tub - it is not claw foot, but it does have a nice soaking angle on it, and I believe it is cast iron...think "Gramma Dougherty's" bathroom tub. The bathroom is otherwise unremarkable. Ricardo the Broker pointed out that there was a nice spot for a glass of wine while soaking - and he was correct. There is a stackable washer/dryer unit in a small closet. The ceilings are high, and each closet (3 big ones, I think) has storage on top of it - great big cabinets that the present occupants had filled with camping gear and all sorts of other stuff.
I haven't gotten to the part about what furniture will fit and what won't...what bookshelves to bring...how will I live until I can get more of my stuff out here...none of that seems important right now. It will work. The planning will take care of itself - I am sure of it. Maya may be very happy to know that I don't need the washer or the dryer. :-)
Ricardo the Broker tells me that my location is perfect, and I believe him. It is a 10 minute walk to my acupuncturist in Sleepy Hollow, and a 10 minute walk to the restaurants in Tarrytown, e.g., The Sweet Grass Cafe that I talked about in an earlier post. There is also a Music Hall across the street from the cafe where they bring in musicians, a few of whom will be Luden Wainwright III, Iris Dement, and - believe it or not - Dave Mason, among others. A grocery store is about a block down the street, and the town library is across the street. I can walk down to the waterfront and see the Tappan Zee bridge. Today, I could stand on the hill that my house sits on, and see glimpses of the Hudson. In the summer and on holidays, the parades come right down Broadway, and people come to sit on the hill in front of our house to watch. That means I have a ring-side seat for any of the town's hoopla. And here's a kicker: about a block out my backyard is the Croton Aquaduct Trail. This is a trail that goes from God knows where in the north all the way to the City in the south. In fact, a portion of it goes right through Mercy campus. The woods are right there in my backyard. Ricardo the Broker says that there is a Refuge a little further east that I will need a trail map for - otherwise I will get lost. Oh - and did I say that it was only 4.6 miles to work - which might take me 15 minutes or so in heavier traffic? If I get myself in shape, I might even be able to ride my bike right down the trail.
Long story short: I was led to this job. I have now been led to a residence that seems - at least from this early perspective - to support who I am. I am amazingly able to let go of losing a month's rent where I am now living - which I also love, I might say. I feel taken care of.
This Luck Duck is quacking quite contentedly.
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