I saw my clinician yesterday. It seems that my white blood cell count has dropped back into the "typical" range. I guess this lymphoma can go in fits and starts - and right now…well, I'm not sure whether it is the "fit" or the "start," - but it is in the typical range.
I am not totally in the clear: I have a blood test in 3 months, and then another in 6 months at which time I will see my clinician. However, as my friend pointed out, the counts are in the normal range. The title of this post was a query he had for me this morning…what will you do now that something about you has been called "normal?"...we HOWLED! It was a great way to begin our morning meditation over Skype.
And his query was such a good one; it really was full of poignancy - so humorous, yet so truthful. It was the mark of a good friend: one who can point out our "realness" with humor and grace. There is that connection (according to Myss and Hays) between blood and lymph cancers and the first chakra: questions about belonging; questions about feeling "a part of" a tribe. So my "root chakra" relates to some of my "root" questions in my spiritual/emotional growth: Do I belong? Can I belong? Am I able to take in the love that is offered to me? Will I let myself truly trust it and take it in? All of these were questions I had to address this past summer as I explored my Stage IV Lymphoma diagnosis - and will continue to address as I move forward. I would say that there is a "yes" answer to all of them - an answer that began tentatively, and grows stronger by the minute.
These questions - and my attraction to people who are (and to me being) a titch away from "average" - are too large to address right now, as I am running off to work. However, they are calling for some attention - which they will be given. For right now, though, I think I will rest comfortably in something about me being "normal." It seems like a wonderful, celebratory place to be.
Today? Awe, Grace, Gratitude…I am a Lucky Duck.
