Fb was an inappropriate venue for spending time with myself. I was led here. I may be as surprised as you that I'm here - that is, if you are the surprise-able type. Know that the archives are in chronological order, with most recent posts at the bottom. The readings are the opposite, with the most recent posts at the top. Things may be more clear if you begin at the beginning. But then, why follow convention…do as you please. That's a habit which I'm trying to cultivate even more.
I am listening to Maria Howe. She read a poem that she wrote when her brother was dying of Aides. He would tell her, "This is what you have been waiting for." Whether it
was a sandwich, or washing a glass, he would look at her and say, "This. This is what you have been waiting for." And she would say, "What?" and he would say, "This."
She talked about walking in the city with her daughter, and on the sidewalk was drawn a big circle. Next to the circle was an arrow pointing to the circle, with the words
"Happiness is here." People who passed the circle would stand in it, and feel happy. The circle was the "This."
She talked about a Russian poet who had been her teacher. He said that American's were funny, because we thought that Evil would walk into our lives in big black boots - easily recognizable. And it's not that way. It comes, instead, in our words.
My apartment is empty of my friend's presence. She came for a week, rehearsing for a performance piece to be performed in the Bronx next weekend. She helped me
"move in." We shopped. I have a rug, now. I have pictures on the wall. Her uinvisible presence hangs in the air and in the unseen cells of everything she touched - and didn't, for that matter. It feels a little more like a home, this apartment where this misplaced, Midwest transient has been living for a little over a year.
I discovered this week that I almost had forgotten how to
"be" with another person. My first evening home, I moved into my regular routine of having a quick bite to eat - and it took me some time before I remembered to ask "how was your day?" So used, was I, to being alone.
And yet - it is in relation to others where much of our
spiritual learning can take place. There is something to be said about being alone, being quiet, listening for Spirit speaking through our lives. And there is something to be said about being noisy, using our words and actions as we brush up against others...finding the words and actions to
connect...bumbling through the messiness and joy in our daily search to find each other in these days and times when interacting with a machine of some sort is the more common way.
Meeting this morning, I think. Although I am also being pulled to get grading and work done. First, though, the day lilies that I transplanted yesterday need some water.
