Fb was an inappropriate venue for spending time with myself. I was led here. I may be as surprised as you that I'm here - that is, if you are the surprise-able type. Know that the archives are in chronological order, with most recent posts at the bottom. The readings are the opposite, with the most recent posts at the top. Things may be more clear if you begin at the beginning. But then, why follow convention…do as you please. That's a habit which I'm trying to cultivate even more.
I have had meetings with several friends and colleagues as I try to figure out how to do this new job. As I have stated
before, I am now at the part where I understand more of what is expected of me and I better understand what I am missing. I also understand much better what a difficult situation I am in. As some of my more "black humor" friends might say, this is the "chaos before the storm." I am in that middle part of "group development" where all hell breaks loose - the "storming" - before there is a smooth running "mean machine" - i.e., the "performing" part.
In my phone interview, the associate dean said, "I don't want you to think that you are going to be the substitute teacher, and that we will be standing in the back of the room watching you teach. We've got plenty of things to be doing in the Dean's Office."
I don't think this is true anymore - not because the associate dean doesn't want it that way - but because the associate dean is not the dean. And as I speak with other program directors, all of them validate the difficult position I am in. After all, I am now the director of the program that the dean led for over 20 years. She is standing in the back of my classroom - not with malintent - but with anxiety that I - and the program - will fail. She wants me to do well - and the only frame of reference she has is how she did it for 20 years. So I think back to the associate dean's remark. I hear myself say to myself, "There you go, Deborah, taking people at their word - again." And even as I suffer through this next AFGO, I still marvel that this position is probably the right thing for me at this time. As much as I hate how much work it is right now, and as painful as things are, it is remarkable how this job has ferreted out and exposed those things which I need to improve and more finely hone.
Well, friends, the above paragraph is a Pollyanna version of "OH FUCK! I AM IN OVER MY HEAD!" It's going to take some digging to get out of this one.
However, I do believe that if I set some goals (a weaker skill) and develop some work-back plans (another weaker skill) that I will be able to better delegate to others (another weaker skill) so that our team can get done what needs to be done.
My strength? I do have vision. And I have an uncanny sense when we are veering off course, along with the words to set
us straight. I'm good with the vision and with the spirit. I believe that I have the skills to be a better leader than I do a manager, if that makes any sense. So, the trick will be to delegate the managing parts so that I can keep an eye on things, but can spend more time doing the things I am good at, i.e., the leading part.
And while I do believe the words that I wrote in the last paragraph, I still believe that in this very moment? This place and time? - I am in a helluva pickle.
So I think back to the associate dean's remark. I hear myself say to myself, "There you go, Deborah, taking people at their word - again." And even as I suffer through this next AFGO, I still marvel that this
