July 16th: Just the facts, Ma'am...

When I told one of my friends that I was diagnosed with lymphoma, she asked, "And what does that mean for you?"  I told her I didn't know…that it felt like a new "housemate" had moved in, and I didn't know anything about them - at all.  Her reply: "Well, Deborah, you've been sleeping with them a long time, so it might be good to find out their name."   I thought I was going to split a gut laughing - it was PERFECT!  Yes, I needed to know more….and did find out its name: marginal cell lymphoma.

I have a friend whom I love, and who is one of the best at ferreting out information.  I hadn't seen her in many months, but when she serendipitously crossed my path, I asked her if she would keep her eyes open for information about my new "roommate."  She sent me a slide show she found that was geared toward medical professionals, but was helpful to me.  It may be helpful for you, too.  Here's a website: http://www.presentme.com/audio2012/20121110LRFUjjani/. 

It turns out that there are over 20-some kinds of non-Hodgkin's lymphoma.  Some of them are rather nasty and aggressive.  In turn, they are treated very aggressively.  However, when the treatment is done, there is usually a cure.  Others, like my own, are very slow growing - sometimes disappearing on their own, other times growing more quickly.  For these slower-growing lymphomas, there is no "cure."  

Many times, treatment is not even recommended until the tumors cause difficulties and/or or interfere with other vital organs.  If treatment is recommended, it's possible that a very specific chemo treatment - one geared specifically for the "genetics" on the tumor cells - might be instituted.  And while the chemo might put the cancer into remission, there is no cure for these slow growing lymphomas - even though they will sometimes spontaneously disappear on their own.  

Cause for Celebration #1:  It turns out that my largest tumor is 1.9 cm - which is about .748031 inches (according to a converter on Google - you think I'd do the math myself???).  This is pretty small - I believe the term my health professional used was "unremarkable." (pic is not "to scale, but you can see that 1.9 cm is about the size of a cardinal's beak; it was obtained at http://csip.cornell.edu/Curriculum_Resources/CSIP/Ardia/first_correction.GIF)


Cause for Celebration #2:  It turns out that there are three layers to my B-lymphocytes, and marginal cell lymphoma affects the outermost layer of the cell, rather than the innermost layer, or core.  This is a good thing. (pic from http://o.quizlet.comi/2X1H--tju3WKY1VjQY-5QA_m.jpg)

Cause for Celebration #3:  All of the blood tests that have been run so far are showing that everything else is looking good: kidneys, liver, lungs, red blood cells - all good.  With the exception of those wonky B-lymphocytes, I'm batting a thousand.  
(pic from http://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0225/4515/products/ar20-softball-48-rq_1_large.jpeg?v=1389733596)


Cause for Celebration #4:  No treatment is recommended at this time.  To use their words, we are  "watchfully waiting."  This means that I will be showing up for blood tests every three months.  Would I rather be getting a massage instead?  Hell yes.  This leads me to - 


Celebration #5:  I am listening - with the volume in my small ears turned on high.  I am doing my best to listen for guidance and act on what I am being led to do.  I am not waiting every three months for a massage, but am getting at least two a month, and sometimes more.  I am exercising more, because it pleases my body, and hence pleases me.  I am eating well.  I am saying "no" more often.  I am crying more - sometimes from fear, and sometimes from the sheer beauty of it all, but I am crying - and it feels good.
In short, I am showing up for myself in ways that I don't think I would have, 
had it not been for the cancer.  


Which leads me to Celebration #6 - and one of my most favorite things, in which I usually always find the Divine:  a Paradox...  

In some weird way, 

this cancer may end up 

saving my life.  

(art: "Bittersweet" by Brian Andreas - obtained at http://www.lifesabirch.com/SPBittersweet.jpg)