Fb was an inappropriate venue for spending time with myself. I was led here. I may be as surprised as you that I'm here - that is, if you are the surprise-able type. Know that the archives are in chronological order, with most recent posts at the bottom. The readings are the opposite, with the most recent posts at the top. Things may be more clear if you begin at the beginning. But then, why follow convention…do as you please. That's a habit which I'm trying to cultivate even more.
So. At a staff meeting today. Hard staff meeting. I left it and went straight for a drink and something to eat with a friend.
After reflecting, I realize that I have made an egregious error. I assumed that, because I am devoted to a larger vision of transforming students, that my staff is as well.
I better understand now that the "tone" of my workplace will need to shift. There were 5 of us at the meeting. One of the faculty brought up shifting a wonderful event from a Saturday afternoon to an evening during the week. The reason had nothing to do with student learning, or making the event better, or supporting the program. The reason? She didn't want to have to give up "another" weekend.
"But wait," you might say. "Isn't the program you went to a weekend program." "Funny you should say that," I might reply. And during the summer, the faculty do not work weekends at all. In fact, they do not teach at all. And I made that point. In the summer, it is not "another" weekend. It is, in fact, only 'one' weekend. And even then, it is only 1 day of an entire weekend.
And that's how the conversation really went. There was not a lot of talk about "student learning" or how the event was
supporting student learning and students' building a professional identity. It was about having to give up "another weekend." Even myself - I fell to that level. "Well," I stated, "I will be teaching on the weekends, and will be taking my time during the middle of the week. Having it during the week will not only inconvenience me, but will also inconvenience all of the students who will have to rearrange their weekly jobs/activities, given that they are in a weekend program." Her reply? "Well, you are here all of the time anyway."
Here's where I failed as a leader: I did not keep my eye on the prize. I did not keep my eye on the mission of the college and our school and our program. Here's another
place I need work: I have not taken the power that has been bestowed on me as a program director. I have worked hard to be collaborative - thinking that I was working with people who were dedicated to the larger vision of educating students. That collaboration has, instead, been perceived as a weakness that can easily be "pushed" and/or bent so that individual needs can be met. I will work to shift this. That is my job, and it is what I believe needs to be done. However, I have also learned in
my old age that I cannot push rivers upstream. If I cannot shift it - if I am not successful in my efforts - then I will admit my inability to get the job done, and I will leave. My head is too precious to me, and I will not beat it against an unmoving wall.
I do think mentoring will be important. Where I have approached this new job with a manager's hat, I now need to approach it with a leader's hat. It has been a long time since I led, especially with a recalcitrant team. Leading was not something that was nourished at my old place of employment. I will need help. That's my next step: getting the help that I need. I will begin with my Dean, and go from there.
