Feelings of impending doom...they have been with me for a little while. Tomorrow, I call the counselor with Employee Assistance, and I call my homeopath. I make an acupuncture appointment.
Maybe I don't drive to Ohio. Maybe I do anyway.
The trouble is, I have not had enough time to sit and listen. When I do, what I get is me going to Rock Island and camping for a week. That's what is calling me. I miss it so...I miss having that week to myself, which I have not had in a year. Not good.
Rather than enjoying my work, I have been feeling depression, fear, and anxiety. I am back in a situation like I was in La Crosse: a small program that has to "scrap" to stay alive. I am tired of "scrapping."
When I reflect, I have had three rounds of antibiotics in the last 6 months. What have they done to my system? Cellulitis, a funky infection with my tooth, and food poisoning. What is up with that?
And now, psychosocial symptoms. Lack of motivation. Lack of caring. Tired. Unable to sleep. I've only ridden my bike once this whole summer. I have a kayak which I have not yet taken out. And while I am working, it is no longer bringing me the joy that it once did. Sounds like anxiety and depression to me.
So I am back to where I started. Call the counselor. Call my homeopath. Make an appointment for acupuncture. Take my health back into my own hands.
If I could just bloody sleep. That would be a good start.
And I'm calling on my guides - all of my spiritual guides...may I be open to what you have to say...may I be open to your help...may I hear your gentle whispers...I have to believe that I am where I am supposed to be and that help will be there. I am doing my best to listen.
And right now - I need your help in sleeping.
