One reading this morning addressed "learning how to die" - how to gracefully slip out of this vessel we call a body, and allowing our spirit to move on. The other was about - well - respect for ourselves and others.
I ended up reading some of my former writing. The few that I randomly chose from the many I have written since 2014 - had to do with respecting myself in this way: owning my talents, stepping into my talents - so that they are not wasted. One of today's readings, said this: "To know what is best for someone, I have to be able to step aside from my own predjudices and preconceptions, and slip into that person's shoes...looking at life through his eyes rather than my own....When I step back again, I will have seen his needs from the inside; only then can I see clearly how to serve those needs with detachment and compassion." (Gender issues acknowledged. Please substitute the pronoun of your choice.)
I would posit this: that we must do this for ourselves as well. After reading former writings, I realize that one of the best gifts I gave myself was owning the gifts that I had - that some of the criticism and lack of acknowledgement from others came from their misunderstanding of the work I was trying to do. Until I could step aside from what I was being told, and objectively "slip" into my own shoes and examine my life with unbiased eyes - perhaps from perspective of Spirit? - my wheels would only spin in place.
When I look back now, I am amazed at my courage and strength. Who knew the story that was being written at the time? But then - really - do any of us know the story when we are in the middle of the plot? Many times, all we know is pain and confusion. And then the choice comes to "sit" with the hurt and confusion, examine it objectively, and move through it toward what seems Spiritually accurate at the time.
Yesterday, at the 5-year academic program review for Mercy's occupational therapy program, I realized - and deeply knew - that I have miraculously ended up where I am supposed to be. And after reviewing some of my former posts, I can more clearly see how I got here. It really had to do with boundaries.
We sometimes think of boundaries as something that "protects" us from others. While this may be true, for me it was more about acknowledging, claiming, and stepping into the gifts that were "inside" my boundaries. I had to get out of my own biased way of viewing myself, and slip into shoes that - up to that point - had remained unclaimed by some of my better pieces. I had to - perhaps - view myself from "Spirit's" perspective, rather than my own.
Arriving here, now, in this place, is sort of like this: Someone who has journeyed through life moving "to the beat of a different drum" seems to have found a band. It's not about my heart, or my inner child, or feeling "loved" by others. It's not even about a feeling of "home." It is about sharing the gifts I know that I am supposed to be sharing at the right time, and in the right space and place.
Scary? You betcha. Lonely? Yep, that too. Gratifying? Yes. Spiritually accurate? As far as I can tell. An arrival? An end point? There's no way to tell. Only this: treating it as such - a final destination - seems inaccurate. It has happened before, and will happen again. Rather, it's simply one more stop along this wonderfully human-life journey.
Pictures later. Time to get rolling into the day.
