Well - it's been awhile. I had my 9-month-check (third blood draw) and follow-up since the big diagnosis, and found out that my blood counts were still in good shape. However, that itty-bitty rise I saw in the counts in December (even though numbers were still typical) continued, with one of the counts inching out of the typical zone. It was only a change of - hmm, something like .6 of one point. My practitioner said something like "your counts doubling in a 3-month period" would be a concern. We are nowhere near that.
What's happening in my body can be compared to climate change, in a way. I could deny it - even though there is scientific proof otherwise. Or, I could say, "Well, it seems that tragic consequences are a ways off" and continue the course I'm on. Or, I could acknowledge the truth: I have lymphoma. My counts are up. I need to slow down
and nourish my body and my Spirit." How lucky is that, to have such a clear mechanism and sign to alert me that I need to slow down? Okie-dokie. Back to Massage. And Energy
Work. And Acupuncture. And Reiki. And Exercise. And Meditation. And eating better. First item of business today: figure out how to decrease the first and subsequent deposits into the brand new supplemental retirement account in order to support this important work. The time for more alternative and complementary medicine is nigh.
So. The Reiki. I'd been told two months ago at my last session that a baby eagle was an animal spirit guide who could help me on my journey. I read a little about them. I found some pictures. And I had difficulty working with it. I told my practitioner this. During yesterday's session, that little bird was able to sit in my heart. After the session, my
practitioner told me that one of the things interfering with my self-care was negative thoughts - she felt a lot of them. I was unaware of them. After sitting a minute, I realized that I had been taking on some of my daughter's recent bout of sadness. After sitting overnight with it - I have a better idea of what is going on. First - a side story.
Last November, I had been taking my guitar with me to work, and singing in the stairwells during my breaks. It was a good thing, although it took a little bit of effort to lug everything (guitar, music books, music stand) into my office, and subsequently down to the stairwell. One day, as I stood there singing, I realized that I was thinking three things at once: 1) I was singing, and the words were pouring
out of me and my fingers were playing the chords; 2) I was thinking about some other issue, at the same time; and, then, 3) I had the awareness that there were three things going on all at once: singing, thinking about another issue, AND having an awareness that I was doing all three things at the same time. Whoa. I noticed this - but really didn't do much with it, other than make a note to myself that I needed to continue to sit with my friend in worship and keep bringing the focus back to my breath and to Spirit.
Okay - back to the main story. This morning my awareness is this: all of those negative thoughts that my Reiki practitioner noticed are going on below my subconscious - below my level of awareness. Whoa. She said something
to the affect that "your analytical mind is a good thing - and you need to be able to lay it aside and say 'I've got important spiritual work to do right now.'" That's my mantra today: Honor my analytical mind. Give thanks to it. Express my gratitude and thanks to it. Ask it to stand aside for awhile, as it's time to be present with my Spirit, and with my Spiritual work.
I have this picture of an industrial-sized stove with many burners, many of which are covered with a pot,
some of which are boiling and/or simmering right up to the brim. There are many back burners, and they continue to simmer outside of my awareness. My subconscious attention to them is draining me. I've been trying to clear the burners - when what may be more healthful is turning off the damn stove for a bit and spending time in nourishing my Soul.
I don't have this analogy worked out totally - and I smile as I realize that the need to totally work it out is a product of my analytical mind. My Spirit can let it be, trusting that
it's really not that important to work it out - it's more important simply to rest in Spirit, rest in the Earth. Turn off the stove, knowing that I can turn it back on again. However, the negative energy that my Reiki practitioner felt - those pots? - I need to put them into the compost, where they can get recycled and regenerated.
Physician: Heal Thy Self.
Deborah: Know your burners. Honor your wonderful, busy, analytical mind. Ask it to step aside for a bit, every single day, every single moment. Be in the fullness. Be in the fullness. Be in the fullness. And from a previous post where I quoted Mary Oliver: It's simple, they say. And you, too have come into the world to do this: to go easy, to be filled with light, and to shine.
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