January 11, 2016: Balance was achieved!

Today, I tended to myself for the most part.  I found my way to a ShopRite in my neighborhood, where I learned two things: 1) they don't have quite the selection in the first ShopRite I found yesterday, but it's not too shabby; and, 2) there are less people shopping in the morning. While things

are not yet at the point of one-way aisles like the photo, I can easily imagine it getting to that point.  The real estate is so expensive, everything in the store must be condensed so that they an get as much stuff in as little space as possible.  Makes sense...means shopping early or late - no more of this afternoon stuff.

I cleaned my room.  I had been overlooking the dust - I just couldn't face it. Today I vacuumed the floor, and used the Lysol wipes I purchased this morning at the store and cleaned everything I could.  I limited myself to only one window and its accompanying blinds.  Suffice to say there were many, many filthy wipes...Thank goodness I bought the 80 wipe container.  One window down, two to go.

When I went back out to go to work, I realized that I had forgotten about the "no parking" rule in front of the house on Monday afternoons.  Oy.  It was interesting.  I did not feel upset.  I don't know what that is about - but whatever it is, I want more.  The biggest challenge was this: where the hell do I get a stamp to put on the damned envelope they so conveniently provided?  That problem got solved a little later.

I stopped in at work to complete some very short, discrete

tasks AND I forgot my keys for the first time.  I figured out how to get into both locked doors to my office (thank you Sonia) and completed my tasks.  I was pretty excited because I had found a community acupuncturist and my first appointment was going to be at 2:30 in Sleepy Hollow.

It was wonderful!  It is a small office - not as large as Sr. Eileen's at Integrative Therapies. 

The guy was pretty good, though, and my session was good.  I zoned out for about an hour and left feeling refreshed.  I asked him for dinner recommendations, and he said, "What sort of food are you thinking?"  Of course he would ask that.  This is New York!  He had all sorts of recommendations - most of them "without tablecloths," but pointed me in the direction of many restaurants if I wanted a "tablecloth" sort of dinner. Oh...

...and he also told me that the post office was right up the

street.  In addition to the stamp, I purchased 10 stamped envelopes for future use.  I thought I was brilliant for thinking of that!  It must have been the acupuncture. (Insert small smiley face here.)

He also mentioned that Tarrytown (the name of which continues to crop up over and over) has become well known for its restaurants - and that there was one called Sweet Grass.  That sounded like a winner - and it was.  It is a gourmet farm-to-table restaurant.  Pricey?  You betcha.  Delicious?  Triple you betcha.  I found myself groaning over and over again as I savored my salmon over sweet potato mash and greens, all resting in some sort of sweet sauce with a few cinnamon/sugar walnuts around the edges.  OMG!  I could barely keep myself from licking the plate.  And the salad - so wonderful!  It was mostly kale, with some shredded cabbage, and some celeriac and granny smith apples cut into sticks.  I don't even know what the dressing was - but there were almonds sprinkled over the top.  Wait...or where the walnuts on the salad and the almonds on the fish?  I can't even remember - it was just plain good.  Following are a couple of other pics. 

I sat against the wall portrayed in the pic on the right - you can see the reflection of the sun through the windows on that wall.  There is actually another picture of a pear (two pear pictures) on that wall, and I sat against that wall, looking out the windows.

You ask, 

"The title of this post was balance - where's the balance?

I'm going to tell you.  

Now. 

I had already made my acupuncture appointment when I found that $65 dollar parking ticket.  I said to myself, "I'll be damned if I am going to spend more on a parking ticket than I do on my health." 

Hence, the acupuncture turned into a wonderful dinner for myself.  As I was driving off, I realized that I had wanted to get my nails done as well (a few doors down from the Sweet Grass), but I was so blissed out from the food that I forgot.                        

It all came out in the wash.  

And I was the Lucky Benefiting Duck.

January 10th: A Long Week - and Misc. Learnings

I learned a lot at work.  Mercy's Occupational Therapy Program is a weekend program.  This means that students come onto campus every other weekend,

and they are in class from 6-8:30 on Friday evening, 9-5:50 on Saturday, and 9-5:00 on Sunday.  It is condensed...packed. (Um - condensed would be the left side of the green picture...packed pixels.)
There is no wiggle room.  My first week has reflected this philosophy.  My learning - as well as the students' - has been condensed.  

I found a grocery store.  I knew that I had been pushed, when, at Shoprite, I saw "my brand" of sausage and "teared up."  There was an organic aisle.  There was grass-fed beef.  Amy's Organic frozen dinners were in one of the freezers.   I was so relieved.  I had no idea that finding a grocery store

with food that I liked had been weighing so heavily on my mind.  Dealing with the crowds and the smaller aisles seems insignificant now.  I may feel differently about the crowds after awhile, but for today, I am so grateful to be able to find food. 

I went to Scarsdale Friends Meeting today.  I also went to Meeting today.  I sat and smiled as I realized that I was sitting in meeting (11am Eastern Time) at the same time as my Quaker peeps from La Crosse (10am Central Time).  I sat and smiled, as I could feel their presence.  It was nice.  Scarsdale Friends had a short social hour after meeting, and then had meeting for worship with attention to business.  Even though it was a small meeting, they went through a good process.  I liked it.

I had a little fender bender...but my fender only got scuffed - not bent.  I learned today how slick the roads are here when it rains.  I was driving on a road that twisted and turned as it was going downhill at the same time.  The road went right, and my car began gliding on some of the water and went straight.  Pumping the breaks helped a little, but the steering did nothing.  The car slid as if it were on ice.  My car was slowly headed for the concrete divider - for which I was grateful.  Had it not been for the divider, I would have slid right into oncoming traffic.  My car hit the divider, finally stopped, and then I continued on my way. 

I harbored pictures of an entire front quarter panel, headlight, and what-ever-else needing to be fixed - with the chief issue being finding a place to fix it.  When I arrived at the Meeting House, I was very relieved to see that the bumper had done its job: there was only a scratch on the rubber covering of the bumper: no dents, etc.  Nothing else.  The scuff was not even as bad as the pic.  It did, however, scare the bejeezus out of me...and taught me that the rain here is as dangerous as ice.  I think I will probably take the train once the weather gets challenging.

Not a very "poignant" entry today - I will admit.  It has, however, been an eventful week and an event-filled day.  I am grateful the the Meeting, for finding the Grocery Store, and for the Concrete Divider.  I am grateful that I do not have to find an auto-body shop - especially given that I've not yet transferred my car insurance, or obtained my NY driver's license.  

The fates are being mindful and somehow seem to know that my plate is already very full - I'm grateful for that, as well.

 


 

 





 

Jnuary 8, 2016: Ruh-Roh...

Well - it is late at night.  More to the point, it is early in the morning.  I thought that the beer I had looked forward to drinking (and ceremonioulsy drank) would be the ticket to a good night's sleep.  Not so.  I've been dozing off and on for awhile.  

Today (yesterday) at work, there was a difficult situation.  The details are way to hairy to go through here.  Suffice to say, that a situation was not handled very well.  The associate Dean called it a "perfect storm" with "too many cooks in the broth."  I'd say that is an apt description, especially when one of the cooks knows nothing about the culture or policies of the "broth."  Ahem, ahem...that cook would be me.  While I made the best decision possible in the situation with which I was presented, my learning is - again - those three words that I stated so very early on in these very blog pages:  

I too quickly followed the lead of someone when - if I had stopped, waited and listened - things may have turned out differently.   

The student involved sent me an email later this evening, which I found after 9pm - quite by accident.  I sent a note to the faculty involved, and also to the student.  What I want to do is lead my faculty and the student through a process that repairs some of the damage that was done on Wednesday, and moves us all forward to a resolution that is for the highest good of all.  The only spot I know from which work and a decision like this can be made is one of Spiritual Groundedness and Quiet.  

God - don't go AWOL on me now.  

And even as I write that last line (mostly because it made me smile as it dropped into my head) I know this just as well: That Spirit does not go AWOL.  It is I who become disconnected from that which is always there.  

So gues what?  I'm stopping.  I'm waiting.  I'm listening.  

Here's what I would ask: that now I fall asleep...that what is in my mind continues to season.  That I fall deeply, and repairingly, asleep...

 

 That I wake up refreshed later this morning, so that my body and mind will be in good shape for navigating the seas tomorrow.

There is good work waiting to be done - 

and I want to be at my best.  

 

January 5, 2016: Day 2 & Letting Go

Someone wrote me and said that they had just found my blog, and had read it all.  I went back to see what I had written.  I was pleasantly surprised.  Much of it still holds true today.  I was reminded how important it is for me to write and connect - with myself if no one else...remembering to stay in the "present space" can be - well, not really difficult, but perhaps a difficult habit to establish.  I was disappointed, however, to see that many of the pictures were no longer good.  Not to worry.  I have another idea.

Today was my second day on the job.  I am still in the midst of cleaning things.  Today, I let go of many books that had been left on the shelves.  Tomorrow, I will be looking at some binders that have been left.  In a way it is good - I have no history to these things.  My mind is fresh.  I can let go - and then ask someone whether or not anything needs to be kept. 

And then there is all of my own "stuff."  Problem.  I DO have a connection to much of what I brought, and I did not have the time to discern what to bring and what not to bring to this new place.  One of my wall-hangings asks a question: In the end, how well did you live?  How well did you love?  How well did you learn to let go?  Interestingly enough, I found this quote and a variation attributed to both Buddha and the Dalai Lama - but the Buddha's added some important adjectives.

 Do you see them?  There is something about "fully" living and "deeply" letting go that seems important.  I think I'm pretty good on the "fully" living part - but the "deeply" letting go part ain't as well developed.  Part of it is that I love living on this Earth so much - in this form, in this world - that I don't want to let any of it go. It's almost as if we are here to explore "all things physical," and we become enamored in that pursuit.  And yet, I know that in letting go, more gifts come in. 

Lives and more are transformed by this small, yet vastly huge act of letting go.  Goodness - the courage it takes sometimes!


It's important - this letting go...And so I have decided to allow for an extended "moving in" period.  Everyday, I will let go of something in my files - taking the time to discern what I can let go of, and what truly is worth the space in my file cabinet. As I learn more of what will be helpful in what I'm stepping into, the more space I will be able to make in my file cabinet.  In the end, I think what is needed is a firm commitment on my part to deeply let go of what I have done in the past, and deeply reach toward what is inviting me forward.

  
                  And with that, I will say goodnight.

 

January 3rd, 2016: Two Points

Well - here's what I have learned so far:  

Point #1: The kindness of strangers can be almost overwhelming.

 Point #2: There is a shitload of people in NYC.

I had my first train adventure today - this on my second day in Yonkers.  I took the Metro North Line (a commuter train) to Grand Central Station.  Two young women showed me how to work the ticket machine.  From there, I snagged a 4, 5 line (where two other people got me pointed in the right direction, and showed me how to purchase a subway ticket) to Trinity Wall Street church where I attended a Renaissance Opera (perhaps the first known opera) in which one of my good friends performed.  

(my daughter Maya was quick to point out that this is THE Trinity Wall Street Church under which the "goodies" were buried in the movie National Treasure, and in which adjoining cemetery Alexander Hamilton and Angelica Schuyler are buried - see Hamilton: The Musical for more details.)  I don't know much about National Treasure, but the performance itself was stunning, and a treasure unto itself. 

 After the show, my friend took me to a Cuban Diner - Coppelia (http://coppelianyc.com) where the food was absolutely wonderful, as was the service.  A Cuban tuna salad sandwich is NOTHING like the tuna salad I've eaten in La Crosse.  However, the chicken soup did not even hold a candle to the soup from Fiesta Mexicana.  While we ate, we were asked to move down one seat so that there were three open seats for a trio of friends that came in.  The waiter gave us a free dessert for moving down a seat...stranger and kindness #4. 

Afterwards, I walked down 14th street to Union Square where I needed to catch the train back Uptown to Grand

Central Station, where I would transfer to the Metro North Hudson Line.  Total cost of the day's travel: $23.75.  This seemed reasonable to me, given that I believe the parking alone would have cost me that much had I driven - plus I wouldn't have known where the hell I was going. 


At Union Square, I saw a Whole Foods, and thought I would "bop" in and grab a few things to get me through the next few days....and this is where I learned that there is a shitload of people in NYC.  In keeping with Point #2, I don't believe that "bopping in and out" of a store is part of reality here.  Visualize this: 7 lanes, each with an assigned color of the rainbow.  At the head of the lanes, just before entering the section where the cashiers are located, is a video screen mounted from the ceiling.  The screen has stripes of color that are arranged from left to right - again corresponding to the colors of the rainbow - and also, magically enough - to the lanes in which people are lined up to pay for their groceries. Here's the best pic of the lanes I could find on the web.  However, it is minus all of the people. 

 The picture below better reflects the number of people that were in line.

I landed in the purple lane.  As I watched, I saw that the number of the next empty cashier would appear in each stripe of color - moving through all seven colors in turn, from left to right on the screen.  When I got to the head of the purple line, I watched the open cashier numbers move across the stripes of color, and when a yellow circle with the number "30" appeared on the purple stripe on the video

screen - it was my job to move to cashier number 30.  As I moved, I realized that there were two long aisles of cashiers (better viewed in the second pic above), and I needed to jog to my left, and then my right, and then past cashier #29 - who whose number was not all that visible.  People were helpful, though, and helped me move past #29 to #30.  (Whew!  Another for Point #1.)

It actually was fairly quick.  However - think about this: there were approximately 6-8 people per lane - multiplied by 14 lanes: 7 for people with 10 or less items in their basket, and 7 for people who had 11 or more. This does not take into account the crowded aisles where people took things off the shelves and put them in their baskets.  Yes - Point #2.

The ride home was pleasant.  I watched two young girls and their mother yuk it up - they were having a blast!  So full of life.  The walk home from the subway only took about 10 minutes, and Daisy (my land lady) was orienting a new boarder.  She said, "Oh - and here's Deborah!  Now everyone is home."  That felt nice.  Another score for Point #1.

I've come to realize that my new job may be the easy part.  What will be more difficult is finding the local stores that stock organic foods, and then learning the aisles in those stores.  It will be the daily habits and routines that I don't have yet.  And there will be no more "bopping," at least not in the city.  Whether or not Yonkers is "boppable" remains to be seen.  

Here's what will consume my time: 

ordinary, everyday things.

• establishing my routine for carrying my things to and from the bathroom; 
• figuring out a routine that will support going two floors down to the kitchen only once during a meal; 
• figuring out what I can cook with the resources that are here, and establishing my daily meals; 
• learning to label my food I keep in the shared refrigerator; 
• finding the best route to get to work - bus? train? drive myself?

The simple.  The ordinary.  These, in the end, are what make up a life, yes?  And I am in a position where I must rely on the kindness of strangers.  My best guess is that Point #1 will help me navigate Point #2.  Quite honestly, in relation to Point #1, life has never let me down.  I can't imagine it doing so now. 

January 3rd, 2016: Two Points

Well - here's what I have learned so far:  

Point #1: The kindness of strangers can be almost overwhelming.

 Point #2: There is a shitload of people in NYC.

I had my first train adventure today - this on my second day in Yonkers.  I took the Metro North Line (a commuter train) to Grand Central Station.  Two young women showed me how to work the ticket machine.  From there, I snagged a 4, 5 line (where two other people got me pointed in the right direction, and showed me how to purchase a subway ticket) to Trinity Wall Street church where I attended a Renaissance Opera (perhaps the first known opera) in which one of my good friends performed.  

(my daughter Maya was quick to point out that this is THE Trinity Wall Street Church under which the "goodies" were buried in the movie National Treasure, and in which adjoining cemetery Alexander Hamilton and Angelica Schuyler are buried - see Hamilton: The Musical for more details.)  I don't know much about National Treasure, but the performance itself was stunning, and a treasure unto itself. 

 After the show, my friend took me to a Cuban Diner - Coppelia (http://coppelianyc.com) where the food was absolutely wonderful, as was the service.  A Cuban tuna salad sandwich is NOTHING like the tuna salad I've eaten in La Crosse.  However, the chicken soup did not even hold a candle to the soup from Fiesta Mexicana.  While we ate, we were asked to move down one seat so that there were three open seats for a trio of friends that came in.  The waiter gave us a free dessert for moving down a seat...stranger and kindness #4. 

Afterwards, I walked down 14th street to Union Square where I needed to catch the train back Uptown to Grand

Central Station, where I would transfer to the Metro North Hudson Line.  Total cost of the day's travel: $23.75.  This seemed reasonable to me, given that I believe the parking alone would have cost me that much had I driven - plus I wouldn't have known where the hell I was going. 


At Union Square, I saw a Whole Foods, and thought I would "bop" in and grab a few things to get me through the next few days....and this is where I learned that there is a shitload of people in NYC.  In keeping with Point #2, I don't believe that "bopping in and out" of a store is part of reality here.  Visualize this: 7 lanes, each with an assigned color of the rainbow.  At the head of the lanes, just before entering the section where the cashiers are located, is a video screen mounted from the ceiling.  The screen has stripes of color that are arranged from left to right - again corresponding to the colors of the rainbow - and also, magically enough - to the lanes in which people are lined up to pay for their groceries. Here's the best pic of the lanes I could find on the web.  However, it is minus all of the people. 

 The picture below better reflects the number of people that were in line.

I landed in the purple lane.  As I watched, I saw that the number of the next empty cashier would appear in each stripe of color - moving through all seven colors in turn, from left to right on the screen.  When I got to the head of the purple line, I watched the open cashier numbers move across the stripes of color, and when a yellow circle with the number "30" appeared on the purple stripe on the video

screen - it was my job to move to cashier number 30.  As I moved, I realized that there were two long aisles of cashiers (better viewed in the second pic above), and I needed to jog to my left, and then my right, and then past cashier #29 - who whose number was not all that visible.  People were helpful, though, and helped me move past #29 to #30.  (Whew!  Another for Point #1.)

It actually was fairly quick.  However - think about this: there were approximately 6-8 people per lane - multiplied by 14 lanes: 7 for people with 10 or less items in their basket, and 7 for people who had 11 or more. This does not take into account the crowded aisles where people took things off the shelves and put them in their baskets.  Yes - Point #2.

The ride home was pleasant.  I watched two young girls and their mother yuk it up - they were having a blast!  So full of life.  The walk home from the subway only took about 10 minutes, and Daisy (my land lady) was orienting a new boarder.  She said, "Oh - and here's Deborah!  Now everyone is home."  That felt nice.  Another score for Point #1.

I've come to realize that my new job may be the easy part.  What will be more difficult is finding the local stores that stock organic foods, and then learning the aisles in those stores.  It will be the daily habits and routines that I don't have yet.  And there will be no more "bopping," at least not in the city.  Whether or not Yonkers is "boppable" remains to be seen.  

Here's what will consume my time: 

ordinary, everyday things.

• establishing my routine for carrying my things to and from the bathroom; 
• figuring out a routine that will support going two floors down to the kitchen only once during a meal; 
• figuring out what I can cook with the resources that are here, and establishing my daily meals; 
• learning to label my food I keep in the shared refrigerator; 
• finding the best route to get to work - bus? train? drive myself?

The simple.  The ordinary.  These, in the end, are what make up a life, yes?  And I am in a position where I must rely on the kindness of strangers.  My best guess is that Point #1 will help me navigate Point #2.  Quite honestly, in relation to Point #1, life has never let me down.  I can't imagine it doing so now. 

May 18th - No Pictures for This One

Whoa.  I am amazed at how easily I can sabotage myself.  I just read my last post…the one about the "Ruh-Roh."  The one about how I have underlying negative thoughts.  The one about my wonderful analytical mind - and the importance of shutting it down on a regular basis so that I can "be" more in the present, with Spirit, with Earth.

Here's what I've done instead: continued to work like a fool in order to get posters ready for a national conference, and attend that conference; get my doctoral work submitted for publication; sent out 6 vitaes, phone interviewed twice, in-person interviewed once, with another phone interview this week; continued to teach, with all quizzes and papers graded and entered; began work on a new course for this spring; get %!&#$ shit done for the %#!$% self-study.  I have done some sitting; I have done some yoga; I have had a massage appointment or two - and maybe one or two  acupuncture treatments; I have fretted; I have eaten more wheat and ice cream and chocolate and candy and alcohol in the last few months than I have in the last two years. 

As I look at that list, I think I am understanding why the diet, low exercise and alcohol have taken a larger role.  My analytical mind would say that it's the negative thoughts.  I'm glad that I've got a little bit more perspective than my negative thoughts.

This morning I woke up, remembering two different dreams.  The first involved a mouse that, when I noticed it, dove into a hole.  The second was essentially the same thing, except it was a lizard-like thing.  It was black, and it was in the silverware drawer.  It darted from one place to another as I moved silverware and utensils to get my weary eyes on it.  It finally dove down into a small hole which appeared out of nowhere in one of the utensil partitions. It was frantic.  I just wanted to look at it - I was curious.  It had two lateral bumps in its body, like a sideways camel, or a child with prune belly syndrome - but with two bellies.  It would not allow my curiosity to be resolved.  It was scared, and dove down the hole.  

I couldn't find much on the web about mice or lizards, other than that there may be a part of myself I am denying.  The idea of jumping into and/or hiding in a hole seems to match well with that idea.  Perhaps there is a piece of myself that I am denying; perhaps I am afraid of something.  And that seems to go with the baby eagle "bit" that I've written about before.  Something is strong in me, and it needs nurturing. I am afraid to grow into it. Into parts of myself?  I don't know, but there is something that rings true in those statements.  Some threshing and seasoning of those thoughts may be needed.    

So, I will say it here.  Spirit, I am willing.  Show me how.  Help my eyes see, my heart feel, and my body act.  Show me the negative, so that I can meet it, respect it, counteract it, and let it go.