April 18, 2017: Shine - and On Guard at Fb Detours

Well...that's how easy it is.  Open the computer and there is Fb.  Find that there are two Quaker Friends who would like to be friends....and then, I'm looking at photos from a friend who is walking the AT...seeing other bits and pieces of people's lives...skimming over pesky advertisements...and time has gone.  

Even though I read my readings for my new habit, I can see that writing about them has to happen immediately...nothing else until I've written about the readings.  

I liked a piece of one of the readings today.  It made me think of Mary Oliver's poem about trees..."and you, too, have come into the world to do this - to go easy, to be filled with light, and to shine."  Today's reading talked about getting centered with Spirit first, "...so that all of the faculties and resources which have been hidden in us can come into our lives to the great benefit of those around us."

A friend at dinner the other evening said, "It's surprising to end up in the place were you are supposed to be."

Yes, indeedy.

Shine. 

April 17th, 2017: Morning Habit, Take 2.

This morning, the two readings seemed to relate: The first was about training the mind for meditation, and the second was about attention.  So, what about worship.....with attention to "worship?"  

My mind is so busy.  I imagine it as a stove with many, many burners - at least 18 if not more.  Though something may not be in front of my nose, it may still be on a back burner.  One day, as I was singing with my guitar, I became aware that my body was playing the guitar and singing, but my mind was somewhere else...my mouth was singing, words were coming out and no one would have known that I was thinking about something else.

And, when that third component became available - i.e., the awareness that there were two things going on at once in my mind - well - "baby makes three" or so the adage goes.  However, while there were 3 layers in my mind, there was only one of me.  So, where was the attention?  I could worship with my singing, but my attention was......where?  The writing compared teaching our minds to attend to attending primary school.  At first, it will be all we can do to keep our minds on the school grounds.  After some time spent, we will begin to be able - little by little - to attend to the many lessons throughout the day. 



The other reading was about attending to relationships, with the idea proposed that training our attention to focus on a relationship over time is what will sustain it.  His story described Romeo losing his attention to Juliet, and turning it, instead, to Juliet's cousin. While modern day advice might say "follow your bliss," the writer's argument was that it was clearly better to refocus attention on Juliet.  I don't "buy" the second story, given that some relationships - no

matter how much attention - are not good for the people in them.  The learning for each individual may lead them out of the relationship and onto another path.  It seems, then, that attention to worship - attention to Spirit - must come first.  And once we dwell within "that," then attention can be given elsewhere.


Perhaps I need to "locate" my entire 18+ burner stove in Spirit, first, and then do all of the cooking and simmering within that sphere.

See that banyan tree?  Today I am going to imagine that my  stove is right in it's middle.

April 15th, 2017: Trying to Create the Morning Habit

So...this morning's readings...nothing really catchy...one addressed finding the quiet in mediation, and pointed out

that, when we do that, we are finding the silence from whence the world was born - from whence we were born.  And in that silence, we can find Spirit - the "Big Breath" - the "Universal Om."


The other reading re-framed "desires."  For example, we think, "I want an ice cream sundae," even though we are on a diet and/or are diabetic and/or allergic

to dairy - or whatever.  Once we eat it, we find out that it really didn't "hit the spot" the way we imagined that it would - and might wonder "why did I go and do that?"  The reading suggests that the "desire for ice cream" is thinking me, rather than the other way around, i.e., me thinking I want the ice cream.

 The problem lies in not driving the choice, but in the choice driving us.  

 Well.  OK.  Intellectually I "get" both of these.  And neither strikes a chord with me  like the readings did yesterday morning.  Except...hmmm...I am feeling the tuggings of the silence.  Something that will give me that...focus...and I am so much better at "silence" when I am "doing."  Last week's "hill reclaiming" was good medicine for me. 

Hiking is good medicine for me.  






Music is good medicine for me - and today I have this ticket to listen to a friend's concert being given in the Met's

Cloisters - a museum where there is silence - and less doing, I must admit.  (And believe it or not, the picture is actually her group singing in the place where the concert is today.)



If someone were to ask me - no - if I were to ask myself, "What do you really want to do today?" I would probably answer them this: I want to dig in the dirt...purchase plants...start a garden in pots...find and drive to a nursery where someone can tell me what to plant on my hill that the deer won't eat.  Then, I want someone to cook dinner for me, and eat it outside on the small red table that looks up at the hill - where I would be able to see all of my day's work laid out like the food on the table.

In a weird way, this relates back to the first reading.  It suggested that once we have been sitting in that space of silence, in the space of Spirit, we will want more and more of it.  For me, right now, digging in the dirt, and then taking time to see what's been done, is - in a way - existing in that silence.

And yet the adventure - of finding The Cloisters, walking, breathing, perhaps doing some of my own singing, eating with friends and then dancing at my "home dance," - has its own appeal as well.  I will be in my own silence, while being surrounded by beauty.  Alone for the train ride in, for my walk in the museum, and during the music - even though I will be around others.  

Perhaps this is what it means to "Worship, with Attention to..."

"Sunset Waltz" by Phyllis Kapp...

   

April 14th, 2017 - Post #2: Worship, With Attention To...

"'Do you mean we should remember the Lord even in the give-and-take of business?'  'Yes, of course," the rabbi replies.  'If we can rember business matters in the hour of prayer, shouldn't we be able to remember God in the transactions of our business?'" (from the book "Words to Live By" by Eknath Easwaran, p. 112)

 This first made me giggle - tit for tat.  My next thought was "of course."  The concept of "center first, attach yourself to Spirit first, and then act" was made concrete for me as I learned about Quaker business meetings.  They are named this: Worship, with Attention to Business.

First: Worship
Second: Attention to Business

Almost as an afterthought - but not really.  

What would happen if I approached my life this way?

• Worship, with attention to email.

• Worship, with attention to my supervisee.

• Worship, with attention to self-care.

• Worship, with attention to my co-workers.

• Worship, with attention to my written work.

And what would happen if our leaders did the same?

• Worship, with attention to Immigration Policies

• Worship, with attention to providing for the poor

• Worship, with attention to the budget

• Worship, with attention to humanity 

  
And the other reading addressed loving the potential in another person, and "shoo-ing away the bats" to find the "doves."  Perhaps Worship - with attention to loving.  

Worship. 

Spirit, today may I be a Banyan Tree - ever growing toward the Light, and always dropping more roots down into the Earth...spreading wider, ever farther, going about the business of growing, and ever seeking the Light - yet seeking "grounding" in the same. 

April 14th, 2017

I am starting anew.  Three glorious paths chosen - some from confusion - but all, in the end, for health.

For three days in a row I have walked out of work while it was still daylight.  It is a good thing.  On Monday, I had left early to order new glasses.  I drove home with the full intention of going back to work once I finished my task.  I  walked to the optician's (2 blocks down, much easier to park at home and walk), and then walked home.

My building supervisors (Kathy and Hank) were sitting out on their deck as I walked to my entrance, and said, "Hey how are you doing?"  I answered, "Not bad."  They replied, "It's

always better now that you are home, yeah?" I replied, "That's for sure!" And then the voice in my head said, "Fuck No!  You are not taking me back to work!" 
 

And so I didn't....take her to work.  I stayed home.  I ate outside on a small patio table that was left by the previous occupants, and looked at the hillside that was free of weeds and other detritus, given my reclaiming of it over the past weekend.  It.  Was. Wonderful.  Later that evening, even working on my taxes was not a chore.

The next evening, I left because I had a hike I was planning

to attend - unanswered email stayed in the "inbox" as I shut down the computer and walked out the door.  I was half-way home before I remembered that it was Wednesday - and the hike was on Thursday.  Again - wonderful.  I finished my taxes.  


Last night, I was planning on the hike - remember?  The one I had thought was happening the night before?  I left even

-->

earlier to make the hike. 

I had a meeting with my Dean - and when I was done, I left emails unopened and unread in my inbox, again shut down my computer, and walked out the door.  




Once I got home and plugged the coordinates into the GPS, I discovered that the traffic across the bridge was thick.  It

was going to turn what had been a 30 minute drive into a one hour and 15 minute drive.  Even with the extra 30 minutes I had built in, I would be 30 minutes late for the hike.  Well, no worries.  I went to the Rockefeller Preserve - which was lovely.  

And the last two mornings, I have chosen to meditate on two readings from a daily book of the same - one for the day and one for 6 months from the day.  

It seems like slow work - but definitely a better path than what I was on.  And if, today, I can walk out while it is still light out, I will have accomplished an 80% goal this week: 4 of 5 days, I left while it was still light out.  And the goal really didn't even exist in my consciousness.  

Thank goodness that I have a strong "hidden voice" that seems to look out for my better interests.  

Thank goodness that I had the wherewithal to listen when it was speaking. 

March 25th, 2017

I only know this: it is too late for me to be up.  However, I thought it would be a good thing to write a little bit before going to bed.  

I received an email from a friend tonight that had a link to a wonderful map.  I'll insert the link right here.  https://www.meteorshowers.org/#Eta%20Aquariids

It's a map of our universe, with several planets that circle round the sun.  The date is listed, and every August, I could see Earth moving through a dust cloud that results in the Perseid Meteor Showers. It was a moving map,

and I could see the meteors and the dust and the planets - all moving and interacting. It was wonderful.  and then, by choosing from the drop down box - or other little boxes - I could see different meteor showers and when the Earth would pass through them...or I could see everything happening at once, or see the view from Earth...definitely one of my new favorite websites.  Omigoodness...how small I felt, yet how connected I felt..."I am a part of all that..."


And I noticed how happy I was to hear from him.  I don't know him well, meeting him the May before I accepted the job here in NY.  We've spent a little time over email, and I saw him at a Quaker gathering almost a year ago.  He seems like a kind soul, and has shared his love of music and musings, and I feel a kinship with him in these things. 

And my heart lifted when I saw his email - a familiar soul.  that's it...someone familiar with whom I have been able to

share some spiritual space with.  I can feel the lack of that here - not so much the spiritual space, but sharing it with someone.  So maybe it's time for me to open myself up to it, and see what turns up.  


And maybe spend a little more time in a Meeting...stop with the "I don't know which one to go to" and just go.  Period.   Maybe ignore the pull to go to work and sing in my living room...maybe hang my pictures...maybe listen a little harder as I wait for my laundry to finish its cycle in the machine.  And maybe, simply finish this post tomorrow after I've grabbed some shut-eye.

I do think, though, that the "shifting" will be in the doing, rather than the "maybe," so let me be more definitive right now:  G'Night, Moon.

November 10, 2016

WTF????

When I finally looked at the two items I posted this evening, I see that I was writing about grief last June...

Amazing...I must have been ignoring it all these months for it to be clobbering so deeply now...

Yep - and that's the way it goes with me...perhaps this time I will figure out a way to tend to these things in a more rhythmic way instead of these tsunami/drought onslaughts. 

Or not.

 In more ways than one...